Ok, so I'm hitting the true mid-life number on Tuesday, and I've been thinking. I've never been one of those people who get depressed by their age milestones. Forty didn't bother me at all. Heck, it was just another day, no biggy.... no weird thing happened to me on that day. I think it's because I kinda see myself as a perpetual 32 year old. Don't know why I chose that number.... but I like 32, it just sounds about right. Say it to yourself.... 32..... sounds like a sweet age, feels good coming out from your lips. You don't even need to use your teeth to say that number. It's a soft number. I have felt 32 for the past 13 years.
Ok, now say 45. Totally different experience, right? You need your teeth to utter that age. It's a much harder number. I don't like saying it. I said it in the mirror the other day, and my mouth area just looked ugly.
For the first time in my life I have been thinking a lot about this upcoming birthday. Why is this experience of turning one year older bothering me? It's a new phenomena for me and I'm confused. I don't feel I look 45 (whatever that should look like). I don't feel physically 45 (whatever that is supposed to feel like). I don't feel like I've captured the wisdom of living half my life (whatever that means).
Hhmmm, I'm perplexed by this. It's not bothering me in like a mid-life crisis kind of way. That happened about a decade ago. Although I will say I am guilty of looking in the mirror and doing that thing girls do.... you know, putting your fingers to the sides of your face and pulling your skin back to smooth it all out. Is my discomfort about looks? Doubtful, since I'm vain enough to admit I've always been concerned about that. Botox is my friend. Nothing new there.
I do feel that I am at a crossroads in my life right now. In fact, it's not a choice of only 2 roads to choose from, there are infinite roads to choose. Noah is on the brink of heading out into his life and leaving the nest. Is my discomfort stemming from the choices that I have in my life now? Perhaps.
I'm gonna keep thinking about this because I don't have the answer to why this year's weird for me. Tuesday I turn the number I don't like saying. And July I take a month off of work to travel alone and reflect. Perhaps when I return in August I'll have figured it all out and be 32 once again.
Make it a great day!
Love,
Mich
