I know things I don't want to know.
I hear things I don't want to hear.
I hear them through purple curtains that sling from right to left, left to right, designed to compartmentalize the stories, the songs, the symphony. But the curtains don't do their job. There is no separation here, there is only the illusion of private journeys. I hear everything.
Remove the curtains, so all can view the parts that previously were discordant voices that must transform themselves into a miraculous euphony. For we are a tribe and should sing together. It's not that.
I know things I don't want to know. I know what TPN is, I know C-Diff, ITP, CMV. I know what Flex Sig is, Ostomy, Ileostomy, Ileom, Pick lines, J-Pouch, G-Pouch, Colectomy, Remicade, Humira, Dilaudid, Dificid, Flexeril, Vancocin, Lialda, 6MP, Asacol, Lyrica. Do you know these things?
I know what the beeps mean, especially the long, drawn out, slow beep... the beep that means there is air in the line. I know the people that come rushing to that sound. I know the colors that change on the monitors, the codes called over the speakers. I know the resounding, long, rhythmic beep of air stopping to the lungs. I know the faces of the others that sing that same song. I just know....
I see things I don't want to see. The turned down smiles of the kind nurses when they see it's not working. They try. I see.
I thought we already defined our time by before that and after that.
I was wrong.
Our time is now defined by before this and after this.
And we're not After This yet.
I know things, hear things, see things that I don't want to.
