My New Best Friend

I've been spending a lot of time in my car this past year. I'm kinda getting a glimmer of what it must feel like to be on tour (except I don't have a driver hauling me from one location to the next, nor do I have screaming fans awaiting me at my destinations (reminder to self..... find some). One thing I do have is an amazing GPS named Jewel. Her voice is clear and concise and a bit sexyish. She's confident, sometimes bossy, and very, very detail oriented. She takes good care of me when I am on the road. Jewel is my companion, my executive assistant, and my new best friend.

We talk to each other often. Sometimes she does say stupid stuff like, "Follow the road." And I respond to her and say something along the lines of, "OK, Jewel, I promise not to drive on the grass or up on that hill to the left." Sometimes she's quite insightful and offers assistance, "There is traffic ahead, would you like an alternate route?" Me: "Why, that would be lovely of you, Jewel, thank you."

She does not like to be ignored, and when I don't listen to her she can get quite bossy. Case in point was yesterday when I missed a right turn she told me to take. I was talking on the phone at the time, and she took the opportunity to get a little surly with me. Within 3 seconds of missing the turn she loudly stated, "Make a u-turn, if possible." I think she tossed in the "if possible" remark because she was holding back saying, 'Make a u-turn, you idiot!" Well, I couldn't make a u-turn, at least not on her time frame. So another 3 seconds goes by and Jewel loudly states, "Make a u-turn if possible." Again, what she really wanted to say was, "Bitch, I told you to turn around twice in the last 6 seconds, what the hell is wrong with you?" Nope, still couldn't turn around. Needless to say this back and forth went on for about another 18 seconds. Finally, I yelled, "Shut up already, I know what you want and I will give it to you when I can!!" All I heard on the other end of my phone was, "excuse me, are you talking to me?" Horribly embarrassed, I apologized to the caller and stated that I was yelling at Jewel. "I thought you were alone in the car" he stated.

"I am" was all I could say.

To finish on a happy note, Jewel always has a way to make amends when we fight. I was on the 405 later that night and out of the blue Jewel says, "Be prepared to continue going straight." I had to smile at that.... she had never said that before. I said to her, "Jewel, I'm on the 405 I HAVE to go straight. What do you mean?" Three seconds later she said, in her sexy, classy voice, "Be prepared to continue moving forward."

I laughed out loud in my car, and said to her, "Yea, let's do that, Jewel. I love you too."

So I say to you, dear reader, from the wise words of my new best friend, be prepared to continue moving forward. Make it a great day.

Mich