There Are No Rules Here

I have a plaque on my desk at home that reads, "There are no rules here, we are trying to accomplish something." It's a quote by Thomas Edison.

I also have an engraved stone at the entrance to my house that reads, "Nothing is etched in stone."

There seems to be a theme here. I've learned through observing others and my own, personal experiences, that the less rules and regulations you tie yourself to, coupled with the internal understanding and acceptance that everything can and always changes, makes for a more satisfying, exciting and happy life. When we commit ourselves to arbitrary, self-made (or others-made) and often strict, heavy (and sometimes stupid) rules about how our lives are supposed to be, and at the same time believe that we cannot change, morph, transform these rules when needed, or simply because we want to, we deny ourselves the experience of living fully.

Sometimes we need to break promises (which really is just another name for a rule we set in a moment in time) to be true to ourselves. Emotions change, people grow, situations and experiences present themselves to us everyday, and we must be open to constantly rethinking about what works NOW, at this moment, based on who we are in the present. We should not live everyday with the idea that, "Ten years ago, I promised to feel a certain way about something forever, so I must continue to attempt to feel that way now." Hey, I might not like mint, chocolate chip ice cream anymore. Hence, my divorce 12 years ago.

I've always been a horrible rule follower. Even in my early years growing up, I had a hard time sticking to a set criteria of what was expected of me. I still do. Expectation is just another way of saying a set of rules you SHOULD live by. Expectations change often, and they should, based on what life is presenting to you in the here and now.

Don't get me wrong. I do believe in committing to processes. I'm not an impulsive decision maker, by any means. But I do believe that having strict rules and regulations about my life, limits and restricts my experience of life and all it contains. I want to taste all the flavors of this one life I have. I want to revel in life's changes and grow and morph according to what may present itself, both professionally and personally.

And I will never again commit to loving mint, chocolate chip ice cream forever. Wait, maybe I will, since everything, including emotions and tastes, are always changing. Hhhmmmm.....

There are no rules here and nothing is etched in stone......

Something to think about on this early, lazy Sunday morning......

Make it a great day!

My love,

Mich

The Universe and My Ovaries

Like it or not, I am one of those people who believes that the universe sends us constant messages on living a well balanced life. Often, well the majority of the time, I am a horrible listener. The universe usually starts with subtle messages, little nudges (a flu, perhaps, when you have a deadline to meet, or are expected somewhere important). The message there is to take a little time for you, rest, recharge, stuff will be here when you return, don't worry. For me, that message is soooo ten years ago. Often these nudges to slow down go unnoticed, or ignored, especially when one is as busy as I've been the past few years. But the universe is not one to be ignored, so she ups the ante in the message department every now and then.

In my case, she's gotten so ridiculously frustrated at me, that now the universe has no choice but to throw large message boulders directly on my head to get my attention. Case in point, a few months ago, while sitting in an Outreach meeting with 7 of my Outreach ladies, I began having pains in the chest. Every time I took a breath in, the pain in my chest was just completely unbearable. I turned white, felt dizzy and started sweating. Me (in my head): "OK, maybe if I just sit here for a minute, the sensation will disappear.... I have another important meeting to attend tonight, I have no time for this." The girls (aloud): "Um, Michelle, we really think you need to go to the hospital to get checked out. We're finding the nearest one now."

Those of you that know me, know that I claim to hate doctors, hate hospitals, and avoid them at all costs. One of my very best friends recently told me, 'Michelle, you love doctors, you hate the potential of bad news." I have to admit that he is right. So, I went to the hospital that day. Without boring you with the details, I was eventually admitted for the night, poked and prodded and tested and scanned and imaged and poked again. When it was determined the next morning that I wasn't dying of a heart attack, I announced that I was leaving the hospital. The potential bad news that I was scared to hear did not materialize, so I felt no reason to continue lying there.... I had WORK TO DO that day! The nurse told me I had to wait until the doctor signed my discharge papers before I was allowed to leave. I looked at him, while pulling off the EKG sticky thingys, and said, "Watch me." And I left. Message ignored. Universe now very, very pissed off.

A few weeks ago, I was diagnosed with a kidney infection. Let's just say, they suck big time. The doctor gave me meds, told me to drink a ton of water and to rest in bed for a few days. Me (aloud): REST IN BED???? I'm flying out to San Francisco tomorrow, I have WORK TO DO! So, I started negotiating with him. What if I start the meds today, and in 24 hours if I start feeling better I can go to San Fran? If I start feeling worse while in San Fran, I can always go to a doctor there, it's not like I'm flying to a third world country, right doc? Needless to say, I won the negotiation and flew off to San Francisco the next day. Again, without boring you with the details, it is now 3 weeks later, kidney infection still here and on my second round of antibiotics. Message ignored. Universe is beyond pissed and is about to pull out the big guns.

About the same time the kidney fiasco first occurred, I was also experiencing sharp pains in my lower left abdomen. I didn't tell the doc, because as my fave friend said, "I love doctors, but hate potential bad news." I figured it was just female "stuff"... no biggy... why worry the good doc for no reason. A few days ago, I absolutely had to visit the good doc again, because the pain was getting worse and worse. "You need an ultrasound, and I'll schedule one for you tomorrow" he said. Me (aloud): TOMORROW? I can't go tomorrow, I have a big, big meeting to attend in Huntington Beach! Can't this wait, I have WORK TO DO! I didn't win the negotiation this time and so I went to the ultrasound yesterday and missed the big meeting.

I received the results of the ultrasound last night (by the way, if you ever have an ultrasound and receive a call from your doctor on the same day, it's not a good sign). I don't want to worry you guys, I'm going to be just fine.... it's nothing that a little medical work can't fix. But this time, the message was heard. As I was lying on the couch last night, surrounded by bottles of antibiotics, anti-inflammatories, and jugs of water to consume, I looked up at the ceiling and said, "I hear you, message taken, I'm crying uncle, surrendering, slowing down, taking care, you win."

Universe happy.

Look, I don't think I need to tell you the moral of this story. It's pretty evident. I might be good at some things, and had, and continue to have, some great successes and accomplishments in my life, but I often fail when it comes to listening to messages from the universe regarding my rate of activity. I am flawed that way. I think I'm indestructible at times, stronger than I really am, and push myself to ridiculous limits. There's probably some psychological reason I am like this, or some wiring that my parents gave me or something. Don't really know. What I DO know is that it took the universe talking to me through my heart, my kidneys and my ovaries to get me to listen to her (and those are some serious, needed organs).

The work I love will always be there, but if I'm not careful and I continue to ignore the universe, I might not be there to do the work I love. And that, my friends, would just suck. So, I'm slowing it down a tad, taking a little more time for me, my family, my friends, my life, my health. Wish me luck, I hope I can pull this slowing down thing off!

Listen to the universe, and make it a great day!

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Tattoo Parlor!

I recently returned from a business trip to San Francisco. It was a successful three days filled with meetings and businessy kinds of stuff. As we often do after a few days of hard work, we decided to do a little sight seeing and blow off some steam on our last night (read - belly up to the bar). I was joined by two of the funniest, adventurous friends I have, who are also my co-workers, which makes the work/play fine line disappear completely (I love that, by the way).

We decided to drive to the Haight Ashbury area of San Fran. For those of you don't know SF, the Haight Ashbury district is summed up in one sentence.... They have yet to realize that The Grateful Dead are no longer there. So, off in our tin box rental car, we head out. First, if you've never driven in San Fran (I hadn't), don't! It's a twisty, whacky, take your life in your hands experience. Can you drive on the trolley tracks? Didn't know, so we did. We found out later that you can. When we asked people what happens when the trolley comes, they all said something along the lines of "you kinda figure it out and make it work." I guess that's a reasonable answer. Can you drive in the bus lane? Apparently not, according to the locals, but we did because heck, if you can drive on the trolley lane and make it work, how hard could it be to figure out the bus thing? And don't get me started on the ninety degree hills and the plethora of one way roads (that's a whole other blog)!

At one point, we were in the middle of a 5 street intersection (I'm talking in the middle of the road with 5 other streets coming at us), without proper directional signage, and my friend who was driving asks, in an appropriate panic mode, "What am I supposed to do, I'm totally confused?!!" The front passenger yells out, "DON'T DO ANYTHING!!!" So, the driver didn't.... we were literally in the middle of a 5 street intersection, just sitting there in panic! Now, I'm in the backseat mind you, and I'm not a back seat driver by any stretch, but I'm sorry, doing NOTHING was definitely not an option! So I burst out, "DO SOMETHING....ANYTHING.....JUST GO!" So we did, and we turned left and conquered impending death.

When I later asked my friend in the passenger seat why she yelled out DON'T DO ANYTHING, she curled her lip a tad and simply said that when faced with a crisis she has to process all options. I will tell you all right now, if you are the type of person that needs time to process and reflect before making decisions while in a crisis.... don't ever think of driving in San Francisco.... you WILL die. In fact, don't process ANYTHING while in San Francisco. Just DO STUFF.... that's apparently what everyone does there. Which brings us to our next adventure.

After spending, what, like 6 hours trying to find a parking space, we finally made it to our destination and started walking. To calm our nerves after our near death experience, we made one of the smartest decisions of the night.... we found the closest bar and had a few drinks (we later discovered it was a gay bar when we returned again that same night.... which made the whole adventure even cooler!). We played silly girl games, like "Who'd you rather" (don't pretend you don't know that game) and cracked ourselves up for a coupla hours. Girls are sworn to secrecy regarding the answers, so please do not call me later to discuss.

It was then, out of the corner of my eye, that I saw the tattoo parlor.......

To be continued.......