The Universe and My Ovaries

Like it or not, I am one of those people who believes that the universe sends us constant messages on living a well balanced life. Often, well the majority of the time, I am a horrible listener. The universe usually starts with subtle messages, little nudges (a flu, perhaps, when you have a deadline to meet, or are expected somewhere important). The message there is to take a little time for you, rest, recharge, stuff will be here when you return, don't worry. For me, that message is soooo ten years ago. Often these nudges to slow down go unnoticed, or ignored, especially when one is as busy as I've been the past few years. But the universe is not one to be ignored, so she ups the ante in the message department every now and then.

In my case, she's gotten so ridiculously frustrated at me, that now the universe has no choice but to throw large message boulders directly on my head to get my attention. Case in point, a few months ago, while sitting in an Outreach meeting with 7 of my Outreach ladies, I began having pains in the chest. Every time I took a breath in, the pain in my chest was just completely unbearable. I turned white, felt dizzy and started sweating. Me (in my head): "OK, maybe if I just sit here for a minute, the sensation will disappear.... I have another important meeting to attend tonight, I have no time for this." The girls (aloud): "Um, Michelle, we really think you need to go to the hospital to get checked out. We're finding the nearest one now."

Those of you that know me, know that I claim to hate doctors, hate hospitals, and avoid them at all costs. One of my very best friends recently told me, 'Michelle, you love doctors, you hate the potential of bad news." I have to admit that he is right. So, I went to the hospital that day. Without boring you with the details, I was eventually admitted for the night, poked and prodded and tested and scanned and imaged and poked again. When it was determined the next morning that I wasn't dying of a heart attack, I announced that I was leaving the hospital. The potential bad news that I was scared to hear did not materialize, so I felt no reason to continue lying there.... I had WORK TO DO that day! The nurse told me I had to wait until the doctor signed my discharge papers before I was allowed to leave. I looked at him, while pulling off the EKG sticky thingys, and said, "Watch me." And I left. Message ignored. Universe now very, very pissed off.

A few weeks ago, I was diagnosed with a kidney infection. Let's just say, they suck big time. The doctor gave me meds, told me to drink a ton of water and to rest in bed for a few days. Me (aloud): REST IN BED???? I'm flying out to San Francisco tomorrow, I have WORK TO DO! So, I started negotiating with him. What if I start the meds today, and in 24 hours if I start feeling better I can go to San Fran? If I start feeling worse while in San Fran, I can always go to a doctor there, it's not like I'm flying to a third world country, right doc? Needless to say, I won the negotiation and flew off to San Francisco the next day. Again, without boring you with the details, it is now 3 weeks later, kidney infection still here and on my second round of antibiotics. Message ignored. Universe is beyond pissed and is about to pull out the big guns.

About the same time the kidney fiasco first occurred, I was also experiencing sharp pains in my lower left abdomen. I didn't tell the doc, because as my fave friend said, "I love doctors, but hate potential bad news." I figured it was just female "stuff"... no biggy... why worry the good doc for no reason. A few days ago, I absolutely had to visit the good doc again, because the pain was getting worse and worse. "You need an ultrasound, and I'll schedule one for you tomorrow" he said. Me (aloud): TOMORROW? I can't go tomorrow, I have a big, big meeting to attend in Huntington Beach! Can't this wait, I have WORK TO DO! I didn't win the negotiation this time and so I went to the ultrasound yesterday and missed the big meeting.

I received the results of the ultrasound last night (by the way, if you ever have an ultrasound and receive a call from your doctor on the same day, it's not a good sign). I don't want to worry you guys, I'm going to be just fine.... it's nothing that a little medical work can't fix. But this time, the message was heard. As I was lying on the couch last night, surrounded by bottles of antibiotics, anti-inflammatories, and jugs of water to consume, I looked up at the ceiling and said, "I hear you, message taken, I'm crying uncle, surrendering, slowing down, taking care, you win."

Universe happy.

Look, I don't think I need to tell you the moral of this story. It's pretty evident. I might be good at some things, and had, and continue to have, some great successes and accomplishments in my life, but I often fail when it comes to listening to messages from the universe regarding my rate of activity. I am flawed that way. I think I'm indestructible at times, stronger than I really am, and push myself to ridiculous limits. There's probably some psychological reason I am like this, or some wiring that my parents gave me or something. Don't really know. What I DO know is that it took the universe talking to me through my heart, my kidneys and my ovaries to get me to listen to her (and those are some serious, needed organs).

The work I love will always be there, but if I'm not careful and I continue to ignore the universe, I might not be there to do the work I love. And that, my friends, would just suck. So, I'm slowing it down a tad, taking a little more time for me, my family, my friends, my life, my health. Wish me luck, I hope I can pull this slowing down thing off!

Listen to the universe, and make it a great day!