A New Kind of Paralysis: The Ben and Jerry's Syndrome

During this time of year it is often the case that I find myself looking back at the past year, and also attempting to venture into the future of the year ahead.  It's not a resolution type of introspection, as in what can I improve or conquer this year that I wasn't able or didn't want to last year.  It's more a question of what are my choices ahead for the upcoming year.  What did I choose last year and what do I want to choose for myself this year?

Some believe that everyone has an equal amount of choice in their life.  I believe that on some level, but not on all levels.  On the one hand, I think that everyone has the choice to be happy, but happiness has varying degrees depending on who you are and what you want out of life.  So, I tend to argue that everyone has varying degrees of choices in their life.  Some people can choose to retire at 30 while others can't.  Some can choose to live in a mansion in Bali and others can't.  Some people have the wherewithal to become brain surgeons and others don't.

As I look at my own life, I feel both blessed and cursed to have an abundance of choice. Blessed, because with so much choice brings a freedom to choose from a plethora of adventures.  Cursed, because I find it a paralyzing abundance.  If I had to choose between only two flavors of ice cream, well, that would be easy.  Give me 100 flavors and watch me stand, wide-eyed, confused and unable to decide.  Damn you, Ben and Jerry's!

So, here I am. I have created a life that presents me with many options to choose from.  Many adventures to explore.  Varied and exciting opportunities are in front of me.  And I am suffering from the Ben and Jerry's syndrome!  Not only can I not choose, but I am frozen.

There is an Hasidic saying that often helps me during these times...." Everyone should carefully observe which way his heart draws him, and then choose that way with all his strength."
In fact, I have lived much of my adult life adhering to it exactly.  So why am I struggling this year?  Perhaps this last year was such a whirlwind of activity and emotion.  I experienced almost every emotion one could... from incredible elation down to the pit of helpless anxiety.  Perhaps this new kind of paralysis is masquerading as simple exhaustion, and my brain cannot make really big decisions right now.  I reached my BIG DECISIONS quota last year that was meant to last for a few years.  Don't really know.  What I do know, as Bertrand Russell stated, "Nothing is so exhausting as indecision, and nothing is so futile."

I will wait.  I will continue to feel blessed for the freedom that comes with abundance of choice.  I will not judge myself for having the Ben and Jerry's syndrome at the moment.  It will pass, and I will, in time, figure out which flavor suits me.  For the moment, I will just take small tastes from them all, until that euphoric feeling of, "YES, this is it" melts all over me.

And lastly, I will dwell on this  Rumi quote..... "Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love."

Make it a great day,

Michelle